Recognising Post-Separation Abuse

Navigating life as a single mama, especially when you're dealing with the aftermath of separation from a narcissistic partner can be soul-destroying. Recognising post-separation narcissistic abuse is crucial for your well-being and that of your children. In this blog, we'll explore what narcissistic abuse looks like after a separation and provide strategies to empower you to protect yourself and your children.

Understanding Post-Separation Narcissistic Abuse:

1. Gaslighting: Narcissists often manipulate reality to make you doubt your perceptions, feelings, and memories. They may deny past abuse or shift blame onto you, leaving you feeling confused and invalidated.

2. Financial Exploitation: Narcissists may use financial means to control and manipulate you, withholding child support payments or making unreasonable financial demands.

3. Emotional Manipulation: They may engage in tactics such as guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or love-bombing to regain control or elicit sympathy.

Recognising the Signs:

- Trust your instincts: If something feels off or manipulative, it likely is.

- Document interactions: Keep records of communication and incidents to support your claims if needed.

- Seek support: Confide in trusted friends, family, The Single Mama Sanctuary or a therapist who can offer perspective and validation.

4. Legal Abuse: Deliberate attempts to make you run out of money through the Legal System or misusing Legal Systems to stress you out or upset you or are they deliberately going for a Custody Arrangement that you know they would not normally have been what they wanted and you believe they are only doing it to upset you,

5. Harassment & Stalking: Stalking is pretty self-explanatory and usually seen by your ex following your physical movements or stalking you online.

Harassment can be identified `s constantly contacting you under the guide of co-parenting and/or constant and deliberate attempts to over step the boundaries you put in place.

6. Coercive Control: Inducing a sense of fear into your daily life was what they trained you with when you were together and it continues post-separation in many ways, including encouraging you to doubt your reality by making up false narratives.

7. Neglectful or Abusive Parenting: Exposing your child/children to unsafe environments to upset you. Using threats of violence or intimidation to upset your children and to make them do what they want them to do.

8. Alienation Allegations: This is a regular phrase used by the Abusers, particularly when they child/children favour the 'Safe' parent over the abusive parent. Alienation allegations can be used as a legal tactic to counteract abuse claims.

9. Counter-Parenting: Classic counter-parenting is to do the exact opposite of whatever it is that you usually jointly used to do or deliberately going against the respectful requests of the other parent regarding the children's care. It is not facilitating a good routine for the young children that you share, withholding consent or care of the children's basic needs for adequate shelter, medical treatments, suitable clothing, nourishing food and a loving and supportive environment.

Empowering Yourself:

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your ex-partner regarding communication and interactions, and enforce consequences if they're violated.

2. Prioritise Self-Care: Practice self-compassion and prioritise activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

3. Focus on Your Children: Keep your children's best interests at heart and shield them from manipulation or toxic behaviour.

4. Seek Legal Assistance: Consult with a family solicitor who understands narcissistic abuse and can help you navigate custody arrangements and legal proceedings.

5. Join Support Groups: Connect with other single mamas within our Single Mama Sanctuary who have experienced similar challenges to share experiences, gain support, and learn coping strategies.

Keep all communication or a written format and backup all conversations in case you'll ever need them at a later date.

Moving Forward:

Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, but with support and self-care, you can rebuild your life and create a safe and healthy environment for yourself and your children. Trust in your strength and resilience as you navigate this journey of healing and empowerment. The Single Mama Club is here to help you reclaim your power and create a brighter future for yourself and your family!